Health is important. No matter what you choose to do in life, it’s easier when you feel healthy, physically and psychologically. It’s also difficult.
I’ve gained about 10-12kg in the past year. I went up from 57kg to 69kg. For someone who is 1.60m tall this means that I’m overweight right now. I’m not proud of it. Partially it has to do with switching from a very physically demanding job, I used to be a mailman, to a psychologically demanding job namely addiction care.
When I was still delivering mail, which is done walking here in Holland, I felt fit and had great stamina. I made one big mistake however. When you walk for 3-5 hours a day you burn a lot of fat, but once there is no more fat to burn you star to burn muscles. To counteract this you ideally want to do strength exercises, something I neglected to do. So when I stopped working for the mail and started to get a desk job, my metabolism while resting was really really slow because I’d burned so much muscle tissue. And what happens when you essentially sit on your ass all day, even if you don’t eat more than normal? Exactly you gain weight.
It also didn’t help that my time working with addicted patients was probably one of the most stressful times of my life so far. These are people that are very unpredictable so you always need to have your guard up. I have had to deal with aggressive clients myself and when I was working there a coworker of mine go physically assaulted, leading to a burnout on her end and a big warning sign for the rest of us. Do Not Trust the clients. They are unpredictable, aggressive and unstable.
Next to this you also get to hear the most emotional, heartbreaking tales and it takes a lot of effort to steel yourself against this. I’ve heard so many things that almost reduced me to tears and I always had to keep up a mask because I was the professional, it sucked.
Stress does funny things to the body. I was perpetually tired. I would come home and go straight to bed untill dinner. I slept for over 10 hours whenever I had a day off and still feel tired. My energy was as good as gone and everyday became a chore. I never felt really relaxed. I never felt like I could really enjoy anything I did. Food started to taste bland and I felt hungry at absurd times. All this led to me being in the state I am now.
I won’t say I’m obese, because I’m not. I won’t say I’m really fat, because I’m not. But when I look in the mirror I see the extra weight and it makes me sad. Trying to get it off again has been hard. I am still low on energy in general and motivating myself to work out is a challenge all on it’s own. I try to go to the gym atleast 2 times a week, but some weeks I just can’t bring myself to go.
I hope I can somehow get some motivation to work out again. I have a few dumbells lying around that desperately need using and a steps machine that is looking at me accusingly. Maybe I’ll get on it later today. For now I’m just going to wallow a bit and kick myself over being so lazy.
It’s been a bit quiet on my end again. I’ve been consumed by games, finishing my Master’s Thesis and trying to find a job.
The job part isn’t really coming along well yet tho…
As it stands now a lot of things have happened. My Final Fantasy raid group has fallen apart. There was too much tension and we were carrying one person way too hard. Our main tank quit and that was it for me. I haven’t touched the game in weeks. I feel like I’ve burned out on it completely.
I finished my legendary cloak on World of Warcraft just in time. I will probably main Shadow Priest in Warlords of Draenor and I’m happy with my decision. My old guild on Dragonblight is getting back to raiding again and I want to be a part of it.
I decided to roll with a Wizard on Diablo 3 for the season. I started out on a Barbarian, but for some reason I just get really annoyed with dieing a lot as melee and as Wizard I can dash in and out while surviving most, if not all, monsters. I dinged Paragon level 200 and am having a blast.
I’ve also purchased Destiny and leveled to level 20 on a Warlock. I’m the Voidwalker subclass and absolutely adore playing it. I also finally could say no to levelling a new character simultaneously with a friend. I want to focus on one character per game now and not get sidetracked by new characters/jobs/classes all the time. I feel like I’m too indecisive as a person in general. I get sidetracked by people and things and don’t really focus on one thing at a time.
“But Sandrian, you’re playing four games at once!” I know, I know. But I prefer playing four games at once where I advance one character than playing one game where I play four characters and not really get anything done. Which is what happened throughout most of my gaming career.
Tied to this comes the decision to blog more regularly. I want to have atleast 2 blog posts a week, one on Friday as set day and one random, whenever I feel like writing. This also means that the variety of topics for my blog will be bigger. I will sometimes talk about personal stuff instead of gaming, but I think that will help me grow as a person. And no I’m not really ashamed about who reads my blog, this is my little space where I can get stuff of my chest.
Expect a next post coming in soonish where I tell a bit more about Destiny and why I’ve chosen to drop Wildstar as a game for now.
Although I consider myself to be a gamer I’m not really into the gaming culture. I don’t own every game in existence, I don’t feel the need to discuss in’s and out’s of games and I don’t really know many people who game outside of the people I actually game with.
I follow a few people on Twitter and got a whim of “Gamergate”. Something I decided to stay well away from even though apparently I should be interested because I’m a girl.
I also unfollowed a few people on Twitter because of this whole thing. Sexism is one thing I’m more or less used to on MMO’s by now, but the new wave of feminism is something entirely different. I have seen/experienced many statements now that made me shiver. New wave feminism doesn’t have anything to do with equality anymore, it’s just sexism against men now and that is scary.
Not only that, but people who call themselves “feminists” now seem to have an attitude that if you don’t agree with them, you’re trash. Even if you’re a woman.
You’re either with them or against them. There is no middle ground. And here is where it starts to get disturbing. This has nothing to do with “feminism” anymore. This looks more like terrorist groups like we’re seeing emerge in the Middle East. If you’re not with them, you’re against them and they will shoot you.
Although these extreme feminists haven’t actually physically harmed someone, they can be found verbally abusing/harrassing many women/men for disagreeing with their view of the world. I don’t even want to mention how far they go in their insults, but it get’s pretty extreme.
I know that inequality is still an issue in the world. Men and women aren’t equal on many fronts. But I refuse to let this dictate my life. I get that there are women who are fighting for equal opportunities/rights for all and I support that, but living in a modern, Western, country I feel like a lot of the battle has already been fought.
There’s only a few male bastions left and one of them happens to be gaming. Personally I know that when I make myself known as female on an MMO I will get harassed by a few men. It’s something I’ve gotten used to and that I’ve learned to dismiss. There are however many women who feel like they should be totally accepted into a mostly male world without any fuss or issues. Newsflash: that’s not how it works. Getting angry about this won’t help either. It took many many years before women were fully accepted into the workforce, a change like this won’t happen in a few days or years.
There are however a lot of men online who are nice and completely accepting of girls in their little gaming world, who think women are equal and have just as much rights to play as they do. These are not “white knights” but just normal men where you can have normal interactions with. And I feel like they are mostly the victims of the new wave feminists.
In short, because I’m losing coherence, I feel like the new wave feminists destroy more than they accomplish, I unfollowed a few ladies on Twitter because of this (yes ladies, you aren’t infallible, you can’t just say anything and get away with it because you’re “feminist”) and I feel like extreme people like that should keep their nose out of the gaming world.