Sundays. I love them. They are nice and lazy and it’s the only day of the week where I don’t regret it if I don’t actually do much of anything. It gives me time to think about stuff, time to spend on my hobbies and, if my club plays, time to relax and watch some football.
Ever since I started therapy I notice that I’ve been looking at my past less. It’s nice to be able to talk to a professional about the things that have been bothering you for ages. It’s nice to have acknowledgement of the fact that yes, stuff has happened to me that should never have happened in the first place. And it’s nice to have a place where I can talk about my anxieties, depression and life struggles without having to feel like I whine or like I take up someone’s precious time. It has had a very soothing effect on me and I notice that I am able to relax more and more.
It is taking tiny baby steps, but I feel like I am starting to get my life back on track. I worry less. I feel like I need to control everything less. I smile more. I get stuff done more. Ofcourse I still have a long way to go… But with some basic tools and advice I got from my therapist I feel like everything is less overwhelming and I am on the right track again.
I’ve discovered my passion for writing again. You can maybe notice it in the fact that I’ve been posting here again. I like to share what is going on in my life. I like to talk about the things I do and the games I play. Especially the games I play. Ingame I notice I want to make more of an effort aswell, being up to date for my Priest, min/maxing her, theorycrafting and generally being the best I can be on the class that I play. It has been a long time for me that I have felt this much at home on a class and that I was willing to put a lot of time and effort in to be the most optimal player I can be.
I’ve also been trying to be my nice self ingame again. I believe that an MMO is a social game and that, since you play with others, you atleast need to make an effort to keep a good atmosphere going. It can be the small things like keeping a conversation going in Guildchat or being social in raids. This also extends to loot and who to give it to. I’ve made a bit of a pact with some of the other players in the guild that we would keep an eye out on what loot benefits who the most and need on it accordingly. I personally have disgusting loot luck (no really, I mean it) and my Priest was geared incredibly fast. But I don’t raid alone, we are with 15 people and although I might be super geared I can’t carry the group on my own. We need to do it together. So I’m not too fussed anymore when there is a piece of loot that I want but that would benefit someone else more. I’ll happily pass, I will also get a chance on the same piece of loot on a later date and if my passing means we can down a boss extra, it will all be worth it.
All in all I feel like my life has been looking up. I don’t feel so bad all the time anymore. I feel better when I’m just my nice self. I also noticed that taking time just for me has benefitted me greatly. My life doesn’t have to evolve around others 24/7 and I find myself enjoying some alone time. A part of me will always want to devote time to others, it’s in my personality to be helpful and caring. But I noticed that this works much better when I set limits for myself. I don’t have to fix everything, I can’t help everyone and sometimes people just want to be left alone… And that’s ok.
Baby steps they might be, but for me they are already making a huge difference.