There has been a time, about 5-6 years ago, that I considered myself to be good at World of Warcraft. It was the end of Wrath of the Lich King expansion, Cataclysm was dawning, and I had found a home in a Horde guild on Vashj-EU.

I had rerolled from a Hunter to a Warrior (a decision that I still slightly regret untill this day) and was topping DPS meters on most fights due to broken Warrior scaling and the famous trinket from Saurfang. I would spend hours reading up on my class, tweaking, practicing, just to make sure I was doing the best possible thing I could do.

Fast forward and I have kind of lost my touch. I am an average Shadow Priest, I’m not the best, I’m not the worst but it isn’t really my forte. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Priest to death but the Shadow specc is not and has never been an specc I could excel at. I have always played Holy rather well and I can now find my way around the Disc specc. But I will never be on the same level as Shadowpriest as I was when I was playing Hunter and later Warrior.
I try to improve here and there. I know I can pull amazing numbers when need be (40k DPS on Iron Maidens Heroic puts me in the top 25% of the Shadowpriest population) but for some reason I can’t seem to perform to the maximum of my abilities. Everything that came so natural to me on Hunter and Warrior is now a struggle. And I wonder if I have chosen the wrong class for this expansion.

Of course just pure DPS isn’t everything. When it comes to game sense, spatial awareness and improvisation I haven’t lost any of my earlier prowess. But the DPS well…
Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don’t really have a drive to compete anymore. The guild I’m currently in is very (very!) casual, raiding only two times a week with no real aim except for clearing Heroic raids before the next tier of raiding comes out.
I also make a cameo every Sunday in a Horde guild on a Balance Druid which, to be honest, I’m not a fan of playing at all. I’m seriously considering dropping that raidgroup seeing as I feel no attachment to it whatsoever. The only thing keeping me there is the fact that one of my closest friends raids with them and I still want to be able to play with him.

So here I find myself in the position that I lack dedication to both of my raid teams. That I lack dedication to WoW as a game and to see what I can improve as a Priest. And it’s wearing me down.. I feel the serious WoW burnout and I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m still of the opinion that Blizzard has made a good game. I still love my Priest. But I just can’t be arsed to put in the effort to get to the point that I excel on my character again.
And I don’t know how to change it… 🙁

I Haven’t Been Idle

I haven’t been idle. Simply away from my blog. I’ve found myself wandering about in FFXIV again. With Heavensward on the horizon, and the news that if you wield your Zodiac Zeta weapon you get an advantage on the new relic, I’ve set out to get my Dragoon Zeta. This is how far I’ve come already 🙂

The glow in the Screenshots might not be very overwhelming, this is due to my PC being a bit bad. It looks much better on better graphics! But atleast you all have an idea what I’ve been grinding for.





The Warning Signs

I’ve found myself spending more and more time on in Azeroth lately.
Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, however I am starting to see the warning signs. I’m not getting stuff done that I should be doing, I don’t do anything but sit at my PC and game. I don’t workout, I don’t apply to jobs and I’m not writing on my thesis. Hell I haven’t even thought about my blog up untill today. The old addiction is starting to kick in and that’s something I hope to have caught in time, before it can get any worse.

The thing with having too much time to spend is that you often end up spending it on stuff that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Why do today what you can do tomorrow right? With having the amount of free time I have I find myself putting off important stuff. I don’t have any deadlines, there’s no threat of “failing” or “losing a job” if I don’t do X by Y day. It’s frightening really. Having absolutely no obligations except to myself. Because it’s for myself that I want to get a job and get out of the house. It’s for myself that I want to lose weight, I notice more and more how bad it is for me to be overweight… Even if only 8-10kg’s. My body hurts in places that it shouldn’t. I have shortness of breath really fast and I feel very stretched, as the stretchmarks on my legs aren’t proof enough.
It’s for myself that I want to finish my thesis and get my Master’s degree… And maybe that is where the problem lies. I have always done everything for others. To make someone else proud. To please someone else. Now I’m an adult and I don’t have to anymore.
Ofcourse my dad isn’t happy that I haven’t graduated yet, but there’s not much he can do about it. I need to do it myself. But I don’t want to do stuff for myself. A tiny voice inside of my head tells me I’m not worth it. I’m not good or grown up enough to have my own succesful life. That I’m better off staying at home where I might get treated like a 16 year old but atleast I’m not alone. And then I still get to do stuff for others.

For now my biggest issue is not slipping back into my WoW addiction. Because it’s time consuming and preventing me to tackle the real issues in my life. Ideally I want to make a “schedule” for when I allow myself to play. The weekends should be free to do whatever I please, like almost everyone else, but during the week I need to limit my playtime. And I’m not sure how…

When The Dust Has Settled…

I get to call myself a Queen now. Talon Queen to be more precise. I’ve kicked my own butt and grinded the last 2k rep I needed to get this awesome title and the mount that you can buy once you get exalted with Arakkoa Outcasts. It looks really great and I think it’s actually a bit bigger than the other new model talbuks Blizzard has impletemented in Warlords of Draenor.

I can’t remember the last time I was so happy just farming away on a character. I’ve put more effort in my Priest in this expansion alone than I have in any of my characters in the entirety of Mists of Pandaria and I’m not regretting a single second of it. I feel like I have finally found a character that I can call my “main” and I have little issues only logging on her and playing on her. I wish I would have had this feeling sooner in my career, it would have probably prevented a lot of hurt and frustration on my behalf.
I’ve always been a character hopper although in my early days I only had two max level characters, my Warrior and my Priest and I was happy to switch only between them. Over the past seven years though I don’t think I have ever stuck to a single character for more than a year and it shows. Oh how it shows.

I thought I had found my perfect balance, I would raid on my Priest two times a week and make sure she got her stuff tailored to her. Next to that I levelled and geared my Monk on Horde side, did I mention I was actually planning to roll Monk at the start of MoP? I guess I didn’t, and I would raid on that on Fridays and Sundays.
Life however has a way of fucking you over. Or well not exactly life, games and communities do. Just as I helped set up a new website for my Horde guild so we could start using EPGP as loot our Main Tank, who also happens to be one of our Raid Leaders, let us know that he was accepted as trial into a guild who were having Mythic progress and thus would leave our little guild behind. It was hard news. I still don’t really know what to say, I’m really new to the guild and already have been put in a high ranking position due to me managing the website. A position I didn’t really ask for but have no way of giving up now.
After the tank’s departure the GM of my Horde guild had the brilliant idea to suggest that people would reroll to Alliance side and raid with Aeternus. You see, Aeternus once had plans to try to go for Mythic progress themselves. Unfortunately, due to a combination of average players and casual mindset, this plan was soon turned into “let’s clear Heroic atleast and then we’ll see”.
On it’s own the reroll plan would have been a great idea. However, the two people that were interested in rerolling were a couple that only “wanted to raid together or not at all”. These kind of package deals are a huge red flag to any guild, but especially smaller ones should avoid them. There WILL BE drama if you get people like this in your guild so it’s best to avoid them.
Apart from that, the girl of the couple also plays Shadowpriest and seeing as how Aeternus already has 3 priests (2 heal, 1 dps), 2 mages and a warlock it would be a bit foolish to accept another cloth dps while we are much better off with say a Shaman or a Boomkin. I tried to gently explain this to them, that sorry but for raid diversity and loot distribution another Priest would be a bad idea, but all I got was a bitch response. So to hell with that then.

Which leaves me with my now awesomely geared Monk, see above, that is in a guild on the brink of death. Something I have seen happen over and over in my WoW career and something I was hoping to avoid this time, but alas. Logging her leaves a somewhat sour taste in my mouth now since I feel like I belong there even less. I still love playing the class, but I’m not sure if staying in that guild is a good idea for me. For now I’ll stick around, mostly because I’m not a person who flees at the first signs of trouble, but also because I feel like I owe these people atleast for helping me gear up.

Real life hasn’t been treating me much better than the Horde guild. I feel like I’ve taking a lot of steps back after taking atleast as many steps forward. The last week especially has been tiresome. I’m tired a lot and I sleep a lot. I feel like I’m wasting time I should be spending on other stuff but I can’t really help myself at the moment. I’m just too tired.
I still miss one of my best friends. Even though we are somewhat on speaking terms again things aren’t what they used to be. I feel like I have to fight alone a lot and it’s draining me. I try to see friends and go to the gym and keep my social life going but it’s hard. Most of the days I wish I could just crawl into a corner and become invisible for a while, just so I could get some peace of mind.
It doesn’t help that I’ve had a really bad cold over the past few days either, being miserable AND sick is a hellish combination and it’s something I hope I won’t have to deal with for a long time.
Right now I feel like World of Warcraft is the only thing keeping me from lying in bed all day. I guess it’s something atleast. I feel like I can see in my Priest the person I would want to be. Strong, healthy, powerful, pretty. Someone with a Light and a Dark side, in her case quite literally, but who can keep the balance between that and use both sides for my own benefit.

I wish I could take a real selfie, one of the real me, and be as happy with the turnout as I am when taking a selfie of my character. I guess I still have a long way to go…

The Liebster Project

The lovely Jaedia from Dragons and Whimsy tagged me for this particular challenge. I haven’t spent much time behind the pc the past few days, mainly because I have the worst cold and I can’t really stare at a bright white screen for long without starting to sneeze and subsequently cry, but I figured heck, I can answer a couple of questions!
So here they are:
1. What are you looking forward to this year?
Finally graduating from Uni. It’s taken me way too long. I should be done with my Master’s Thesis in the next two months and then I can finally put my hands on that shiny shiny Master’s Diploma in Clinical Psychology. And I can rock the MSc (Master of Science) title from then on.
2. What is your favourite book?
My very favourite book of all times has to be “The man who mistook his wife for a hat” from Oliver Sacks. It’s a bundle of stories about individuals with different types of brain damage and how it has affected their lives. Mr. Sacks writes about this in a very respectful and affectionate way. I really recommend reading it to anyone who is atleast the tiniest bit interested in neurological and psychological stuff.
3. Are you on Twitter? If yes, what has been your experience?
Jup I am on Twitter and so far my experience has been mostly positive. I tend to use it to rant a bit but well. The Tweeps in general are very nice and it’s a good medium to look for the latest news.
4. Do you enjoy podcasting as a medium? Why/why not?
Not really. I’m a very visual person, apart from music I’m generally bored when it comes to listening to people talk. I need body language. 
5. What do you feel games are lacking in 2015?
Honestly? I feel like they lack originality. Everything copies everything else. I can’t really expect any groundbreaking new game to come out though but still. I also miss a good community. I’m playing World of Warcraft mostly but the community is awful. Even in the guild the social atmosphere is only so-so. People only play for themselves nowadays and it’s not really helping the social part of an MMO.
6. Where do you get your game news?
MMO-Champion and related sites.
Reddit. Oh god I love you Reddit. I can make popcorn and just read it all day.
7. Could you show us a picture of your desk? If you say no, I’ll be sad.
Voila my desk. My computer is under it.

8. Beards. For or against and why?
Against. I have very sensitive skin and kissing a guy with a beard, even only a peck on the cheek, literally makes me break out in hives and itch all day/evening. Some stubble is ok and can be very sexy, but no beard please.
9. What is the best gif you’ve come across?

10. Share something with us that made you laugh recently. Well (some background) we have an Eagle Owl terrorising a neighbourhood in our city. No joke. Some person made a little movie trailer about it and it cracked me up to no end. It’s partly Dutch but you’ll get the general idea 😀 if the link works…
Hmz, the tagging part might be an issue. I don’t have that many people on my blog and right now I feel a bit too sick to come up with questions of my own so I think I will leave that be for the moment.

Majora’s Mask: A Whole New World

Yesterday I got a little surprise when I went out shopping. I was in desperate need of new sneakers, my old ones have served me well for the past two years but are now starting to seriously wear down. I found a pair I liked and proceeded to pay when my uncle and my dad’s girlfriend suddenly decided they would pay for me as an early birthday present.
Being the financially starved person I am I was very grateful for this. Mostly because it allowed me to spend the money somewhere else. That somewhere else being my very first Zelda Game!
Even the box looks cool.

Yes. Believe it or not I have never touched a Zelda game in my life. I never had any Nintendo console growing up and on the Gameboy the game didn’t really appeal to me. I was more of a Pokémon kind of girl. And Donkey Kong… Lots of Donkey Kong.
Anyway, since I didn’t have to pay for my new shoes I figured I’d run off to the toy store and get my game. And so I did.
First off I have to give huge props to the developers. Because I haven’t played the original game on the Nintendo 64 I can’t really make a comparison that way but to me the game on the 3DS looks absolutely stunning. I think this is the first game that really looks 100% 3D and I love it. It’s the first game in which I have 3D on constantly because the graphics are just so good. Not only are the cutscenes in 3D, the gameplay is in 3D aswell and it adds a whole new dimension to the game.
Unfortunately yesterday I was so tired I couldn’t really play much so I did some of the introduction and then headed to bed.

As far as the introduction went, I have to say it’s a little bit confusing when you haven’t played any other part in the series. Apparently Majora’s Mask is more or less a sequel to Ocarina of Time and so you don’t really get much introduction into Link’s character or why he has a certain thing stolen from him. However you immediatly get a glimps of how evil the main villain is after he transforms you into a wooden little boy for no apparent reason. Again this is a little bit confusing. Am I supposed to know this guy from a previous game? For now I just went along with it but I do miss some of the story that Final Fantasy for instance is very good at.
The controls of the game seem manageable so far. It’s not very complicated to master. However the game has been developed with the new 3DS in mind so there is one button I lack which would probably make camera angles much easier to handle.
The game itself evolves around trying to save a world from doom in 3 days time. In the game world those 3 days fly by superfast. I’m only on my first cycle so far but I already know I’m probably doomed to fail since I spent a lot of time running around and exploring instead of doing the tasks that were given to me. Luckily it doesn’t really matter if you fail, you just have to start over again. I’m sure I’ll have to start over the cycle many times in this game, but I don’t think I’ll mind it too much.

What (pleasantly) surprised me the most is that this particular Zelda game is much harder than I expected. I’m used to the Final Fantasy turn based style of games and this is more of an action RPG so it requires a completely different mindset to play. Even then I still found it challenging at some point. Aiming Link at certain destinations requires some skill and paying attention or he might end up somewhere that gets him killed. You also really need to figure out a lot of cryptic stuff. And if you don’t do that fast enough you won’t make the three day cycle. 

For the people who already played this game on their N64 I’m sure it’s all familiar and they would run through the game in no time at all. For a new player however, especially one that isn’t all too familiar with the series as a whole, this game is actually quite hard to get into and it can become frustrating if you keep on failing your cycle over and over.

So far though I’m happy I made the decision to buy this game. It’s a whole new world for me and I enjoy it from what I’ve seen from it. The fact that this game is a bit more challenging than what I’m used to is only a plus in the long run since it will probably keep me entertained more than a game where I fly through in no time.
I wish I could talk a bit more about the game itself, how I find the worlds and the story but since I literally only got to play for like an hour or so I can’t really say much. I might make a follow up post when/if I play more of the game, or maybe even finish it, so I can do a better “review” for people who might be interested in buying it. For now I’m excited to start this adventure.

A Tale of Two

When WoD launched I swore to myself that I would stick to one character this expansion. That I wouldn’t alt too much and that I certainly wouldn’t spend more time than necessary on the game.

Yeah… How wrong I was…

I have alted a bit this expansion. I have 4 characters sitting on level 100. My Priest, who is my raiding main, my Paladin and my Warrior on Alliance side and a Monk on Horde side. Then there are various characters between level 90 and 94, mostly for profession purposes.
I have sunk a lot of time in the game already. Especially on my Priest. Making sure I had the best stuff for raiding, gearing up myself and my followers. Doing all quests there were. Doing achievements now that I’ve done those and, ofcourse, raid two nights a week. Which can get pretty hilarious when you claim to be a divine priest and thus get all sorts of beams stacked on you right before pulling a new boss…

Anyway, the Priest has been a huge timesink. I resorted to just do everything on her, instead of charhopping but I found myself getting easily bored. And then the altoholic inside of me started to whine. And whine. And whine.
 It’s really really hard to stick to one character when your natural tendency is to hop and play whatever you like. So to compromise, and to satisfy my friends who play Horde side and have been bugging me forever to get a Horde char to lvl 100, I decided to get a second raiding main. And so I proudly present to you my Monk: Applebloom. Rocking the Hearthsteed which I finally managed to unlock last week! I’ve joined a small Horde guild on her that raids on Friday and Sunday evenings, which is perfect since I raid on Mondays and Tuesdays on the Priest.

I can still get away with dedicating to two characters right now, simply because I’m unemployed with way too much time to spend. I picked the Monk because I have always liked the class, but never really got around to play it seriously. It also more or less satisfies my inner need to be able to play anything. On my Monk I’m a Windwalker (melee dps) and I will probably get Brewmaster (tank) offspec along the way. On my Priest I am Shadow with a Holy offspec. That way I have all roles covered in the confinements of two characters. 
Unlike the Priest though, who I have been working on since expansion start, the monk is severely behind on all fronts. She only dinged 100 last week and I have been trying to gear her up and sort my garrison at the same time. I can tell you, it’s not working out very well! Only when you more or less have to start over do you realize how much work a Garrison actually takes. How long it takes to level and gear your followers, especially now with patch 6.1, and how long it takes to get all the buildings to the upgrade level you want. It feels a bit overwhelming here and there so I still prefer to spend time on my Priest over my Monk, simply because I have less to do there. But yeah, those are the two classes I play on WoW right now. I hope I can keep it to these two, playing less characters frees up more time for other stuff. Like playing FFXIV and Wildstar. Yeah. Even more MMO’s. Crazy Sandrian!
Oh… And I got the Heirloom mount!

WoW Patch 6.1 and Priests

We’re only a few days away from patch 6.1, wednesday here in Europe, and all the exciting new stuff it will bring to the game.

Class balancing is an ongoing thing and with every new content patch there are tweaks to the classes and their speccs. Sometimes there are more, sometimes there are less. Today I wanted to focus on the changes that Blizzard has planned for Priest.

From the PTR patch notes as they are now:

  • Priest
    • General
      • Power Word: Shield now absorbs 10% less damage.
    • Talents
      • Auspicious Spirits (Shadow) no longer cause Shadowy Apparitions to not deal damage. Instead, it now increases Shadowy Apparition damage by 100% in addition to still granting 1 Shadow Orb.
      • Cascade may now hit the same target twice. This results in an increase to total healing, so its healing has been reduced by 35% to compensate (the total healing in a 20-player raid will be slightly higher than before).
      • Clarity of Purpose’s (Holy) healing has increased by 20%.
      • Divine Star (Shadow) damage increased by 20%.
      • Halo now displays an indicator on the ground to make it easier for the casting Priest see where the ability is most effective. Additionally, Halo’s visual effect has been synchronized so a character will receive the effect when the nova intersects with them.
      • Insanity (Shadow) now also affects Mind Sear.
      • Mindbender lasts for 20 seconds (up from 15 seconds).
      • Psychic Scream now has a 30-second cooldown (down from 45 seconds).
      • Saving Grace’s (Discipline, Holy) healing has increased by 50%, but now reduces future healing dealt by 15% (up from 10%). Additionally, the talent is now instant-cast, but its effectiveness is reduced while in PvP combat.
      • Surge of Darkness now has a 12% chance to trigger (up from 10%).
      • Void Entropy (Shadow) damage increased by 80%.
      • Void Tendrils’ health has increased by 30%.

The first big thing is Power Word: Shield absorbing 10% less damage. Although this change might seem aimed at Discipline priests only it’s a fact that the Shield has been absorbing too much damage across all speccs. In the grand scheme of things it won’t matter much.

From our CC tier it seems that both Psychic Scream and Void Tendrils are getting a straight up buff. Both talents still rely heavily on personal preference, but it’s nice to see them both getting some love.

Shadow is getting a few significant buffs. The first one is to Auspicious Spirits. Since the t17 4set requires Shadowpriests to specc AS anyway this is only a cherry on the cake. No longer do we lose our Shadowy Apparitions, instead we get to keep them and the extra Shadow orb.
The Insanity affecting Mind Sear is just a straight up buff to our AoE damage. Helping us become more competitive on fights with multiple targets, think of Blast Furnace, Operator Thor’Gar and Beastlord Darmac in Blackrock Foundry.
Although Blizzard is trying to bring more versatility to the Shadowpriest I personally think the Surge of Darkness and Void Entropy buffs are not enough to make them viable talents. Especially now that all priests are switching to AS and Insanity is still the strongest talent in it’s tier. The same goes for Divine Star, with the fights as they are now Halo will always be a better choice for Shadow…
Speaking of which, Blizzard will make it more clear where the edges of your Halo are so you can use it from the optimal distance. This is really a quality of life change since most raiding Shadowpriests have atleast a vague idea where to position themselves for the most effective damage output but now we’re getting visual aid for this, something I can only cheer for.

Holy and Disc
Cascade. Almost mandatory in the current raid meta, although I do see some priests rocking Halo aswell. I’m not sure what to think about this change. Although it’s nice that it is now able to hit the same target twice, especially in smaller groups, I wonder if that will outweight the straight up nerf the heal itself is getting. According to Blizzard it should heal a bit more for 20 players, but as we all know not everyone runs a 20 man comp. I would have to see this change in action before I can comment on it.
Saving Grace is a different matter. I feel like it fits a very specific niche and with these changes it only goes into that corner more. The talent is an absolute no-no for raiding but could prove to be very usefull in Challenge Modes. I think the reduced effectivenes for PvP was necessary, seeing the amount it heals for and the fact that it’s now instant cast. I still don’t see many raiding Priests picking up this talent but if you run Challenge Modes frequently I would suggest giving it a go.
The Mindbender buff however is one I can only cheer for. The 5 extra seconds of Mana regen are godlike, especially for lower geared Priests. I put this talent under Holy and Disc because you will never ever specc it as Shadow anyway.

The last buff is only for Holy’s Clarity of Purpose talent. Althought it’s a straight up buff to the healing it does I still think the talent itself fits a too specific requirement. It could work on fights where everyone has to be clumped up, like Oregorger, but other than that I feel it’s still not worth taking as talent.

All in all this patch brings good tidings to Priests. It looks like Shadowpriests should see a significant buff to their damage, especially AoE. For Holy and Disc I feel a lot of things stay the same. I don’t feel Blizzard has buffed certain talents enough to make them attractive. How the Cascade changes will play out we will see. The same goes for Power Word: Shield, but I don’t believe it will make that much of an impact.

The Big Racism Debate

After some incidents on Twitter over the past weekend I want to write on a bit more serious topic today. Something that doesn’t necessarily has anything to do with gaming, but I feel the need to speak my opinion of it.

The series of events that sparked this post were simple. Someone I followed on Twitter posted a picture of a friend. They had been dressed up as a group from a movie, it slips my mind which one, and one person in that group in the movie happened to be black. Because the guy who dressed up as him was white, and they didn’t necessarily wanted to ruin the whole idea, he painted his face black so people would know who he was. That particular picture, of the guy with the black painted face, got posted on Twitter on an account that has a relatively big amount of followers. So guess what happend? Yup.

Queue shitstorm.

I didn’t get most of the drama but apparently “blackfacing” is a thing that is very offensive in the US. Now before you start judging me, I didn’t even know what blackfacing was. I had to look it up, like the person who posted the picture in the first place. For those of you who still don’t know what it is (thank you urban dictionary): When white actors would paint their faces black to resemble black people. Accompanied by a performance stereotyping them as buffoons. 

I can’t speak for the rest of Europe, but here in the Netherlands and Belgium it’s not a big issue to paint your face black if you’re dressing up/cosplaying as a black person. We view it as something that is part of the costume. Vice versa we don’t frown at darker colored people making their skin lighter for the same purpose. If you want to paint your face, you paint your face in any damn color you want.
Apparently this is not the same in the US. Seeing the absolute amount of shit this person got targeted at him, calling him racist and more, I kind of got mad. He did aswell as first reaction, calling Americans butthurt about this issue. Although I don’t really agree with his choice of words, I do agree with the sentiment. Especially seeing as it’s mostly WHITE people who feel the need to be offended by this.

Now I know that racism is a delicate thing. I know that certain groups of people have been oppressed for a long time and that slavery was a horrible thing. You will not hear me deny that. It was also horrible that non-white people were considered lower beings up untill the 1950’s. I will not excuse that either.
BUT. I am done with tolerating that every little thing you say can get torn out of context and get the racism stamp. I feel that as white person you can’t say anything anymore without someone twisting it to racism.
If you call someone out for being rude to you or for cutting in line and that person happens to be a different skincolor than you? Racism!
If I paint my face dark because I’m dressing up as a dark person? Racism!
If I help a white person before I help a black person (because that white person asked for help first)? Racism.
Everything you say or do lately is racism. The word has lost it’s meaning. It’s something people hide behind and throw around freely without realizing the implications. And the worst part is? You can’t complain about that either because well, that makes you a racist! It’s living in insanity really. And it very much has to stop. Because it’s only fueling certain types of fire that you do not want fueled.

I love all human beings, aslong as they have a good heart and good intentions. But I’m starting to despise a certain group in our population. These are people that hide behind racism to avoid being critiziced and getting away with it too.
If you step on my foot and I say something about it, it’s because you stepped on my foot and not because your black. It does not make me racist. And the fact that you immediatly call me one only makes me think less of you… Or is that racist?

Random Sunday Musings

Sundays. I love them. They are nice and lazy and it’s the only day of the week where I don’t regret it if I don’t actually do much of anything. It gives me time to think about stuff, time to spend on my hobbies and, if my club plays, time to relax and watch some football.

Ever since I started therapy I notice that I’ve been looking at my past less. It’s nice to be able to talk to a professional about the things that have been bothering you for ages. It’s nice to have acknowledgement of the fact that yes, stuff has happened to me that should never have happened in the first place. And it’s nice to have a place where I can talk about my anxieties, depression and life struggles without having to feel like I whine or like I take up someone’s precious time. It has had a very soothing effect on me and I notice that I am able to relax more and more.
It is taking tiny baby steps, but I feel like I am starting to get my life back on track. I worry less. I feel like I need to control everything less. I smile more. I get stuff done more. Ofcourse I still have a long way to go… But with some basic tools and advice I got from my therapist I feel like everything is less overwhelming and I am on the right track again.

I’ve discovered my passion for writing again. You can maybe notice it in the fact that I’ve been posting here again. I like to share what is going on in my life. I like to talk about the things I do and the games I play. Especially the games I play. Ingame I notice I want to make more of an effort aswell, being up to date for my Priest, min/maxing her, theorycrafting and generally being the best I can be on the class that I play. It has been a long time for me that I have felt this much at home on a class and that I was willing to put a lot of time and effort in to be the most optimal player I can be.

I’ve also been trying to be my nice self ingame again. I believe that an MMO is a social game and that, since you play with others, you atleast need to make an effort to keep a good atmosphere going. It can be the small things like keeping a conversation going in Guildchat or being social in raids. This also extends to loot and who to give it to. I’ve made a bit of a pact with some of the other players in the guild that we would keep an eye out on what loot benefits who the most and need on it accordingly. I personally have disgusting loot luck (no really, I mean it) and my Priest was geared incredibly fast. But I don’t raid alone, we are with 15 people and although I might be super geared I can’t carry the group on my own. We need to do it together. So I’m not too fussed anymore when there is a piece of loot that I want but that would benefit someone else more. I’ll happily pass, I will also get a chance on the same piece of loot on a later date and if my passing means we can down a boss extra, it will all be worth it.

All in all I feel like my life has been looking up. I don’t feel so bad all the time anymore. I feel better when I’m just my nice self. I also noticed that taking time just for me has benefitted me greatly. My life doesn’t have to evolve around others 24/7 and I find myself enjoying some alone time. A part of me will always want to devote time to others, it’s in my personality to be helpful and caring. But I noticed that this works much better when I set limits for myself. I don’t have to fix everything, I can’t help everyone and sometimes people just want to be left alone… And that’s ok.
Baby steps they might be, but for me they are already making a huge difference.